In a Nutshell

Blessed, thankful and very grateful. Well, I said I'd share so here goes. Some of you know that I lost my first husband of 10 years in a car accident just before 911 hit. Twelve days to be exact. It was a "one car, Unexplainable accident" so the police report said. Explain that please! No answers, no one and no thing to blame. It just is... My BFF that I was going to have a "50 year" anniversary with some day was ripped away in seconds... gone. I blew kisses as he drove away for another day of work and 20 minutes later, a stranger was at my doorstep. I wasn't informed that it was fatal until actually at the scene of the accident. When the sheriff realized I was in the passenger seat of the car (with a stranger driving) he tried to wave us to the side so I wouldn't see the devastation. My life was a perfectly put together puzzle and someone just blew it up into pieces... scattered. I felt like I was in a dream and couldn't wake up. But it wasn't a dream and it was very real. So real that my knees gave out and I collapsed into another complete stranger's arms... a moment I will never forget. It played in slow motion over and over in my head. God was present though and with me in the midst. So much to process with a million questions and yet a million more bombarding me from the police, the grief counselor and coroner at the scene, and family who began calling to find out what happened. I had no answers other than "I don't know" and he was just... gone. I always say I'll ask God when I get to heaven, but I know it won't really matter by then. Hmmm... strange thought but very true. Anyway, I had quit my job the year before so our two "musician schedules" (he was a bass player) could mesh a bit more. Little did I know that it would be our last year together. God knew though and graciously enabled us to spend more QT together than ever before. The new schedule spurred a huge international family reunion so friends and family from all over the world got to see him that year and we even took a Real vacation for our 10 year anniversary! Not that family and missions trips are not totally awesome, but it was nice to have our first vacation... even though it was our last.

There was still smoke and debris was scattered everywhere. Down the barrier, I had to answer questions but they wouldn't let me see him because of the investigation. I just wanted to hold his hand before it got cold, even if they had to blindfold me. With tears in his eyes, the sheriff wanted to, but couldn't let me. He shared that somehow this one was different and he was so very sorry. He knew this was a tragic loss but something was different than others he'd experienced. When the time came to take me home, they wanted to use the back roads so I wouldn't see anything. But I had a right to see what the rest of the one lane - I-70 onlookers were seeing and had the driver take me down the same path so I could try to make visual connections and make some sense at some point. It didn't make sense but through that, God gave me a corner piece to the puzzle so I could begin to rebuild. Actually that's a pretty neat story in itself! Maybe I'll share that another time. I know God didn't make this happen, but He allowed it to happen for a reason that only He knows. Kevin always went after the underdog and often said, "I wish I could do more," but as stories began to come out and as God has tenderly shared this story through broken vessels of worship, he did more than he ever knew this side of heaven. God has used Kevin's life and his death in extraordinary ways. Because heaven has grown and because I know where Kevin is today, (gulp) it all has to be worth it.  


I may fill you in more later as its been Quite the journey between then and now. Most importantly, God has been so precious to me with His presence though. I've seen Him move in unspeakable ways and have been privileged to experience His Greatness in the depths of my own heart, to hearts all around the world! Through Him, I've also survived some not so amazing situations including a failed marriage... another loss that was out of my hands. But as I picked up the pieces, again, my God was with me every single step of the way! He never once left me hangin! Wow... Even these years later, I'm in awe at how He's walked with me, steady by my side and carried me when I was too weak. He patched me up when I was broken so I could press on for the moment, for the minute, for another day. He kept my heart pure before Him as a devoted worshipper... regardless of circumstance. In time, His restoration and redeeming love has brought such healing from and to a broken life. 

Fast forward, I honestly didn't think I would be here today, alive to tell this story, but I thankfully am. And now I've been blessed beyond with a pretty incredible man that I'm not so sure is from this world, but I'm somehow privileged to call him my hubby now! He cherishes me and looks out for me, and he always has my back. (Trust me, I need it!) He honors me, supports the calling on my life and makes me laugh! A lot! Life is not perfect as we live in a fallen world, but I'm so thankful beyond words, that God uses this man to bring joy to my life in hilarious ways, in the midst of its chaos. As I was running the other direction and from everyone who was even remotely thinking I needed someone Else in my life, God thankfully didn't listen to my prayer of "Please leave me alone in this area cuz I'm Great with me and You and You should be too!" Nope! He gave me a new BFF to spend the rest of my days here on earth with! My Larry (aka "Coach Z") is truly my gift from heaven and the cool thing is, I know that my present was hand picked! ;) So! I'm still here and God has more for me to do before its my time to meet Him face to face! So until then, I can wholeheartedly say, "Yes! I am so Very blessed!"